


Safety in the Dark

by itbeajen



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied Character Death, Recovery, Spoilers, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 04:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20669390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itbeajen/pseuds/itbeajen
Summary: She’s done what they all considered impossible. She literally took the weight of the world on her shoulders, but at the cost of losing someone that had held her heart together this entire time.The reality is harsh, and her thoughts are the only place that keeps her safe - until they start to turn against her.





	Safety in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the Fate series or any of the characters that are mentioned. I am not making any profit from this fic and I write purely for the love of the characters. The Fate Series is the property of Type Moon.

**Day 1**

Despite the relief and celebratory air that seemed to fill the air, the reality of the situation was nothing similar to it at all. Though the weight on her shoulders may have been ‘lifted’ it felt more like it was shifted downwards to burden her heart. Gudako clutched at her sleeves, willing herself to bring a smile to her face. This was supposed to be a moment of celebration. She was supposed to be crying tears of relief and joy - not this. 

She felt nothing more than despair and anguish. While humanity may have been saved, there was so much that had been exchanged for it. And while to some this change may mean nothing to some, it meant the entire world to her. 

“Senpai?” 

Mash’s soft voice was filled with concern. Gudako momentarily froze before taking in a deep breath. She steadied herself before turning around slowly, a smile - clearly a facade, yet a smile nonetheless - is plastered on her face. Mash mirrors the smile, oblivious to how her beloved Master and Senpai truly feels.

“We did it. We… saved humanity,” Mash’s voice trailed off. Gudako can see the tears that gathered at the edge of her closest friend’s eyes, and her heart felt yet another weight being added to it. Mash didn’t see the way Gudako’s hands slowly traveled upward to clutch at her chest, nor did she see the way her hands trembled ever so slightly. She clutched at the fabric of her shirt, and though her Mystic Code was clearly sullied and torn in certain areas, it was a mark of honor and evidence of the turmoil that they have been through and the obstacles that they have passed. 

“Yeah… We did.”

“Doctor Romani,” Mash softly whispered his name, yet just the title alone caused Gudako’s breath to hitch, as though the air was punched out of her lungs. Her knuckles turned pale white as she clutched her chest. “I’m sure Doctor Romani is proud of us… r-right?” 

Mash’s voice cracked, and Gudako immediately took Mash’s hands into hers. Though she was nothing more than a fragment of the person she once was before the battle occurred, she was still one of the only people in all of Chaldea - no, in the entire world - that Mash trusted with her entire being. She couldn’t let Mash suffer through the pain of losing someone important all by herself.

“He is.”

Gudako’s voice came out hoarse. After all the shouting and crying and pleading that she’s gone through in the past 24 hours, it was amazing that she had a voice left at all. Her smile was weak, and the corners of her lips trembled, almost as if the sadness and emptiness inside her heart was slowly pulling them downwards. If Mash noticed it, she didn’t say anything. But from the way her hands tightened on Gudako’s, the reassurance that she was still here, that  _ they  _ were still here…

For now, that was enough.

***

“You did it, Gudako!” Da Vinci clapped the young Master on her back. Gudako winced in pain from other injuries and from the strong clap. Da Vinci’s arm gently pulled the younger girl into her embrace and she softly whispered, “You did what all of us thought might have been impossible.”

_ But it wasn’t just me. _ Gudako wanted to counter, but she bit her bottom lip before mustering a smile. She turned to face Da Vinci and answered, “ _ We _ did it. I couldn’t have done this without Chaldea’s support, you know.”

“That may be true, but you have to remember that we couldn’t have done it without you, a-” 

Da Vinci stopped herself. She could feel Gudako trembling ever so slightly in her arms, and the Caster Servant sighed. The warmth of her hands gently patted Gudako’s cheeks and her arm. It was a reassurance, a small gesture of comfort that she would be there if Gudako would ever need her. 

“Go get some rest, okay? You deserved it after today… and all that has happened in the past year.”

“Thanks Da Vinci.”

Da Vinci flashed her a bright smile before gently pushing Gudako towards the door and towards her personal room. “Any time Gudako.” Da Vinci watched the young Master walk away with heavy footsteps and sighed as soon as she was out of sight. As Da Vinci walked back into her workshop she shook her head slightly before taking off her glasses. She gently pinched the bridge of her nose before letting out yet another heavy sigh.

_ I’m sure this wasn’t quite the outcome you wanted was it… Romani? _

***

The sound of air being pushed out of the mattress as Gudako fell into it face first was heard throughout her entire room. She’s thankful that her room wasn’t damaged during the fight, and she was even more thankful that her bathroom has running water still, but… it just didn’t feel the same. Gudako lethargically rolled over onto her side, and what she saw on her office chair made the tears that she’s been holding back to immediately spill forth. 

Hanging off the back of her chair was a long white coat that everyone in Chaldea could fondly remember. The sleeves were still messily rolled up like they always were when he wore them, and the clasp that held the coat front together softly clinked against the chair each time the air conditioning hit it. 

_ Romani… _ Gudako stifled a sob as she buried her face into the bed. As much as she wanted to get up and grab the coat and hold it close to her, it just wasn’t the same. That coat could never be the friend, comrade, doctor, and advisor that its owner once was. That coat could never be his replacement, it couldn’t, and yet… and yet it was all that they had left to remember him by aside from the cherished memories that they made together.

_ Why did it have to be you? _ Gudako slowly sat up. She attempts to sniffle, but even that seems to be too much for her as she finds her airways clogged from the amount of crying that had occurred upon entering her room. She can almost picture Romani’s crying face - the same one he made whenever she had started tearing up from frustration or sadness - and a small mixture of sobbing and laughter spilled forth. 

_ I miss you… I miss you so much. _

She gently swiped the coat off the chair and brought it close to her chest. His scent still faintly lingered on it, and Gudako couldn’t help but let a few more teardrops stain the pristine white coat as she curled up into a ball on her bed. 

_ Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to be the one to give it all away? I just-  _ Gudako heaved another heavy sob. Each time the cries of sorrow and anguish escaped her chapped lips, her entire figure would shake with the seemingly unending sorrow and despair that threatened to consume her whole. But this time around, unlike the other moments of the past in which she had his warmth and his touch to keep her grounded to the earth - he was not here. And he won’t be. Not now, and never again. 

The realization was yet another stab through the heart. She had denied the reality of it. She refused to believe it. And yet… Romani was gone now, and he was never going to come back, no matter how hard she wished for it. And while the coat couldn’t be him… at least the warmth it provided along with the familiarity of his scent was able to lull the exhausted girl to sleep.

***

_ It’s… dark. _ Gudako rubbed her eyes weakly.  _ Why is it so dark?  _ She weakly sat up, reaching around her bed for something that could give her some sort of idea as to what time it was. Yet as she sat up, she felt a rather familiar fabric slide off of her. 

_ White.... Doctor Romani’s coat. _ She smiled weakly before sighing, “Did I really fall asleep after crying so much?”  _ My face must be a mess. _ She slid off the bed, making her way to what she thought was the doorway to her bathroom. And yet, instead of fumbling about for a light switch, she found herself running into a brick wall. 

_ Brick? _ Gudako’s eyes narrowed as she slowly came to adapt to the darkness. She took a step back, and then turned around. She could see the wooden bed where she was previously sleeping, and it was quite obvious from the bed and what was across from it that she was once again inside that dreadful tower. 

_ This is where… I met Edmond.  _ Gudako looked around, confused.  _ I could have sworn I was in my room when I fell asleep… what happened?  _ Her head still slightly ached from all the crying she had done before she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. Yet, nothing really made sense no matter how she tried to connect it. She had clearly fallen asleep in her room. She was holding onto Romani’s coat. She was  _ still _ holding onto it. 

But this room was not her room. It wasn’t the safe space where she had once shared a cup of coffee with her beloved doctor and temporary director of Chaldea. It wasn’t the room where she had fallen asleep, while waiting for him to finish up whatever work he had left. It wasn’t the room that was filled with those cherished memories. 

But this room still held some memories to them. They were the memories Gudako had shared with her dear Avenger. And while he had intimidated and frightened her the first time she had ever met him, he was also one of her closest advisors, and a trusted servant that she would easily place all of her faith in.  _ But he’s not here… _

Gudako sat back down on the wooden bed, and as soon as she did, flickers and tendrils of flames bloomed within the darkness of the room. Each wick was lit with a warm yellow hue, yet despite their visual warmth, the room remained cold and empty - devoid of all life aside from her own. 

No matter where she looked, the room was more like a prison cell than it was a room for one to reside in. She remembered the first visit here. It only felt less lonesome because she had Edmond as her ‘host’. Though perhaps he was more like her warden, ensuring that she never escaped from her room. 

_ Honestly, whatever Edmond’s role was back then… I kind of wish he was here now.  _ Gudako curled up onto the bed. She spread Romani’s coat over her bare legs and shivered slightly.  _ It’s kind of… lonely here. _ As she sat there alone in the darkness, the flickering of the candle lights around her slowly began to lull her back into a sleep like state. Her eyelids grew heavy. But as soon as she closed her eyes and was prepared to give herself up to sleep again, the thoughts and emotions that she had kept buried deep down inside threatened to bubble up from within and explode. 

With a rush of panic and a pounding heart rate, she sat up from the creaky bed. The only solace that kept her from immediately crying out in fear and despair was the pristine white coat that was now tear stained from her own sadness that she refused to acknowledge and accept. 

_ I’m… I’m going to be okay. I can be okay.  _ She clenched her fist around the cloak, holding it close to herself as if to protect herself from any outside interferences and thoughts. Yet the true enemy was within, for the walls that kept her trapped in the endless loop of tears and sleep was her own denial and wish for a different reality.

**Day 2**

“Senpai?” Mash tentatively called out her title one more time. Fou tilted his head in confusion before Mash gently opened the door. Gudako’s back was facing her, but Mash still found it weird that Chaldea’s only Master was still sleeping. It’s been far over twelve hours, and it was quite concerning that no one had heard from the girl since she had turned in for the night.

“Senpai?” Mash called out once more, but Fou’s escape from her arms startled the demi-servant. Fou had immediately ran up to Gudako’s still form and nudged her over and over. His cries started off with a curious tone to it before it slowly shifted into one of concern and franticness. Mash rushed over and gently shook Gudako, but to no avail. The orange-haired girl was fast asleep, but almost as though she was in a coma-like state. Mash took a step back before frantically slamming her hand against the emergency intercom that was located near the door.

“Guda-”

“Da Vinci!”

“Mash?” Da Vinci’s voice was laced with confusion. Sherlock Holmes, who was invading Da Vinci’s workshop once more for the sake of discussion purposes, looked over with intrigue as he overheard the franticness in Mash’s voice.

“Senpai! Senpai isn’t waking up!”

“What?!”

***

The next time Gudako woke up, she was still within the prison cell. This time though, there was an actual cell door. Metal bars that criss crossed their way to the top from the ground floor, but beyond the door seemed to be an empty hallway of darkness. She couldn’t see if there was anyone or anything past the blackness that seemed to stretch on forever and forever. But as she continued to stare into it, it was as though something else was staring back at her.

She slowly sat up from the bed and approached the metal bars. She didn’t touch them, not yet. After all, her gut was telling her not to, yet her curiosity compelled her to. As she reached out to grab the metal bars, her fingertips slowly inched forward, all the while trembling from the cold that came in through the door, and seep into her very bones.

“Don’t.”

A gentle hand, gloved in a familiar black leather, grabbed her wrist and pulled her shivering fingers away from the door. Gudako slowly turned around in confusion as she matched the voice with the face. 

Edmond Dantes.

He had a look of disapproval mixed with concern before he softly asked, “What are you doing here, Gudako?”

“I-” 

Gudako’s voice cracked, and Edmond frowned in disapproval as he looked over her. There were dark eyebags that implied sleep deprivation despite the fact that she has been sleeping for several days. Her voice was hoarse, as though Gudako has been screaming and shouting for hours on end - crying out for someone, anyone, to help her get over the crisis that she now faces. 

“I don’t know,” she mumbled softly. It was the loudest volume she could possibly get to right now. She doesn’t know when was the last time she’s had water to drink, or food to consume. Yet she wasn’t hungry, she wasn’t thirsty, she was just… tired. The exhaustion after fighting a nearly world-ending war and successfully winning with some major drawbacks was finally catching up to her after the adrenaline all but faded away. It dissipated and with it, the sorrow and emptiness that plagued her deep within her heart had taken over as the primary emotions that she currently felt.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know.”

Edmond narrowed his eyes at how empty her words were. There was no fight in them, no energy or playfulness that was often laced between each of her words. It was as though whatever energy she once had was gone, and was replaced with this empty hollow shell instead. Edmond heaved a sigh before slowly pulling Gudako away from the door. 

“You can’t go out there.”

Gudako tilted her head in question. Her voice was clearly too hoarse for her to properly respond back, and that was okay. He didn't need her to speak to understand her. After all, the two of them have gone through so much together. From the first moment he met her and the two of them had faced it off on top of an abandoned and haunted apartment building, to the seven days he had trapped Gudako inside of this very same tower. Those encounters set the foundation for what became a strong bond between the two of them.

Initially, it had all began as a way to slowly break her spirit, to see it crumble into dust, just like the many others that had intrigued him. Yet her spirit was not broken, it did not crumble, if anything her very spirit filled the entire accursed tower with a light that he had not witnessed in years even after he had escaped the dreadful tower.

Yes, the tower of Chateau d’If. 

Edmond glanced around the room. It was almost exactly the same as the room that he had thrown her into the first time he had unknowingly dragged Gudako here. But this time it was different, Gudako had somehow managed to stumble upon the nightmares of his own living hell and made herself a resident here. Is it due to her strong bonds with him, and the fact that he was her first servant in which she made such bonds, that she had ended up here? He’s unsure, but he’s glad he had overheard the distress call between Mash and Da Vinci when he was walking past his Master’s room this morning.

“Wait here.”

“Where are you going?”

Gudako’s voice was still nearly nonexistent, yet hearing the desperation in her voice as she unknowingly pleaded for his company made a small part of him hesitate. He frowned for a moment at his own hesitation and also at how weak his Master sounded and he softly responded, “I will get you supplies. You won’t last long in your current conditions, Master.”

Edmond disappeared into the shadows. Just as suddenly as he had come, he suddenly disappeared. There were no windows or doors from which he had somehow came in or exited from, and he didn’t approach the metal barred door. 

_ Why didn’t he though? _ Gudako wanted to know what was behind that door. What was behind it that Edmond didn’t want her to know about? It baffled her, but she trusted him. Whether or not that trust was well earned or a good one, she still trusted him. 

“Here.” 

His voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and quite honestly it kept her away from  _ those _ thoughts. The thoughts that threatened to break her in two, and the same thoughts that she slowly sank into as each one would entangle around her and slowly drag her into the sludge that she so desperately tried to escape.

“Thank you…” Gudako took the water bottle and the small packed lunch box into her lap. Her hands trembled as she tried to open the water bottle, but perhaps all the time she’s spent exhausting whatever energy she had to shed tears made it even harder for her to open a mere bottle cap.

Edmond noticed and crouched down before her, taking a squatting position. He took the water bottle out of her hand, but before he handed it back, he looked at her fingers. Her fingers were pale, and her hands were trembling. The white coat she had on her legs barely provided any warmth, and the prison itself wasn’t a luxurious place. She was freezing in here, and he could do nearly nothing about it. There was only so much he could bring into the tower without it being considered an interference, and quite honestly, he still wasn’t sure what her purpose of being here was.

Gudako could see the contemplative expression that caused Edmond’s eyebrows to knit together in thought. She glanced at the water bottle and attempted to take it out of his hands, but he gently lifted to her lips and tilted it so that the water slowly trickled into her mouth. Gudako’s eyes widened in surprise and Edmond sighed, “You’re too weak to open the cap, let alone drink from it.” 

He abruptly stopped talking. It was a short and curt exchange, but judging from the way he kept glancing at his Master, it seemed like there was something else that he wanted to say. Whatever it was, he held his tongue back and stood back up, all while patiently waiting for her to finish eating her food, all while hoping this would help her recover.

**Day 3**

While she did seem to be healthy and fine in the human realm, Edmond has seen how haggard Gudako was in  _ that _ realm. She was trapped in the prison created from her emotions. And now, here he was, taking on the role of a caretaker, when in reality, he had no idea how he could help her. 

Last time Gudako was here in the prison tower, the game they were on his playing field. Every rule was made to his advantage, and it was only if she was amusing enough or had passed his qualifications that he had decided whether or not to let her continue to the next floor. 

This time around, the rules bent to whatever emotion Gudako was currently feeling, and judging from the oppressiveness of the air outside, it was as though she was refusing to feel any of them. Gudako rejected the reality, she refused to acknowledge it, and yet… she had to. 

_ That doctor has left us now… _

“Did you say something, Edmond?” Mash softly asked. Edmond shook his head as he looked over Gudako’s still form. She was still holding onto his coat tightly despite the fact that was unconscious in every other aspect and he muttered, “No.”

Da Vinci glanced at him and upon making eye contact, the Avenger huffed before walking away. Mash looked on in worry before feeling a hand on her shoulder. It wasn’t the warmth of her Master, but it was the reassurance given to her from Holmes. Sherlock softly shook his head as he let the two walk out of the infirmary to the workshop.

“So?”

“The same,” Edmond nearly spat it out. He was spiteful of the situation. It was humiliating for his own prison to now hold the one person that he could even dare to say that he held some sort of fondness for. He’d never admit it out loud, but Gudako was important to him. She never pushed him away despite how much he had attempted to push  _ her _ away. She had accepted all of his flaws and didn’t even fear him despite how hard he had attempted to intimidate her. 

Though perhaps that’s to be expected when Gudako had beaten him up on more than one occasion.

“No change?”

“None,” Edmond glanced out the window. The snowy brisk winds no longer howled all day long, and the skies outside were actually clear enough for them to see something besides the sleet of snow and hail and clouds.

“She’s in denial,” Da Vinci sighed and mumbled, “Is there truly no way to change her mind?”

“No, she went to that accursed place on her own will. No one forced her to go, she decided to stay there and recreate that room.”

“And the only way out is if she comes to terms with the reality of it.”

Edmond nodded and Da Vinci heaved another sigh. “You’re the only one.”

“I know that,” Edmond responded in haste. He hated it. He despised the weakness that she is showing. Not because he thought that Gudako shouldn’t ever be allowed to show weakness, but rather that she’s allowing it to consume her. All of her thoughts are muddled together, and the root of it all is the disappearance of her beloved Romani. He sighed again before leaving the room. Da Vinci mimicked his expression, but a small smile cracked through despite the bleak outlook and she mumbled, “I see what you mean now Romani… when you said she was still in good hands.”

***

_ It’s dark… _ Gudako couldn’t tell if her eyes were open or closed. Honestly, at this point, it all felt the same. She just felt… numb. There was nothing really to feel, and no matter how many times she opened and closed her eyes, it all felt more or less the same. But as long as she had the warmth of his coat… she would be okay here, or anywhere really.

Or so that’s what she believed. When she reaches for the coat to slide over her as a shawl of some sort, she’s startled into sitting up straight.  _ It’s gone. _ Her eyes widened in panic and she immediately begins to search the room. But there’s not much to search. 

The floors are bare, the bed is empty save for the thin sheet of fabric that she’s been using as a blanket in addition to his coat. But his coat was gone. 

_ Did Edmond take it? No, he couldn’t have, he wouldn’t have. He- I can’t lose it, not that.  _ Gudako frantically approached the metal bars, and hesitated.  _ It couldn’t possibly be out there… could it? But where else would it be if it’s not here? It… It was never a figment of my imagination was it?  _ Even though her desperation to find the coat was the strongest emotion coursing through her at the moment, she could still hear Edmond’s voice echoing through her thoughts.

**“If you walk through those doors before you’re ready, you may never come back.”**

_ I don’t care.  _ Gudako took in a deep breath before pushing the gates open. Almost immediately she felt herself engulfed in violent winds that nearly threatened to shred her apart into pieces. She was forced to close her eyes as she struggled to take even a step forward. 

Yet instead of meeting solid ground, ever so suddenly, she lost her footing. She felt the ground cave in from beneath her. The winds that had violently attacked her all but subsided. Gudako was expecting this to be her end, that she’d die here and lose her life and all that was important to her because of a moment of stubbornness.

_ I should’ve known better than to just leave the room! Edmond warned me! He told me it wasn’t safe! And yet I- I left… Because all I wanted… _ Gudako felt the tears form at her eyes despite becoming slowly disoriented as she fell. 

_All I wanted was to see you one last time and tell you that I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger… I wish I could have stopped you… I’m sorry…_ _Romani, Mash, Da Vinci, Ed-_

“ **What were you thinking?!** ” 

Gudako’s arm almost felt as though it was being ripped out of its socket as she felt something grip onto her hand. She opened her eyes in shock and looked up. She was dangling off the side of the tower - no, the fortress that she has only ever heard of from the stories Edmond had recounted for her. 

“Ed… mond?”

Edmond heaved Gudako onto the open window on one of the floors below the prison cell she was in. She glanced backwards at the emptiness beyond the fortress. Though she couldn’t see anything, the crashing of the waves against the cliffside was evident enough that she was located on the highest point of the island within the fortress. Perhaps her prison cell was not the same one that Edmond had forced her into her first visit here.

Gudako could faintly hear Edmond’s voice as he lectured her for her stupidity. Her lack of survivability, and her lack of awareness. But though she could tell her was lecturing her, she couldn’t quite hear him. All Gudako could focus on was how Edmond’s hands were wrapped around hers, and how warm they were.

“Warm.”

“Huh?” Edmond stopped in his tracks and turned around. Gudako was blatantly staring at his hand, clearly distracted by the fact that his hands were warm. She softly asked, “Were you always this warm Edmond?”

No one knew Edmond’s scowl could get any deeper, yet as he scowled - and marveled - at just how easily Gudako had brushed off her close encounter with death, he sighed, “Are you okay, Master?”

Gudako looked up at him, and her mouth formed a small ‘o’ in surprise. There was a tenderness in his voice that she was unfamiliar with, yet the way he didn’t let go of her hand even after she may have creeped him out with that statement brought a small smile to her face - the first one in a long time. 

“I’m…”  _ Is ‘okay’ the right way to answer this? I’m still not sure if I’m… okay.  _ Her hesitation was all he needed to know and he muttered, “You don’t have to answer, forget it. Just come on, as per orders I brought more supplies.”

Gudako trailed behind him like a chick following the mother hen, and all the while she couldn’t help but look down at their intertwined hands. 

_ Thank you, Edmond. _

***

Edmond and Gudako traveled for a few more minutes in silence. She has never seen anything beyond the 7 rooms that he had initially brought her through, but it was fascinating to see the fortress as a whole. 

She could recall the days where they had spent sleepless nights under the stars during Singularity missions as he regaled her with the horrors of the fortress. Each story caused a chill to run down her spine, or fill her with a rage that would cause the entire camp to wake up when she started venting about how unfair the justice system was to Edmond. 

Gudako had expressed the emotions that he had kept hidden deep inside for so long that he had forgotten what it was like to feel that way. After all, he had accepted all the injustices that were incurred against him - each one was a factor that made him who he is now.

“Still cold?”

“No,” Gudako was shaken out of her thoughts of the past days she spent with him as they arrived in a strange lobby like place. There was abandoned furniture scattered all throughout. A wooden reception desk, some old sofas and couches that were covered with dust and spider webs at the corners, a corner table located snug against the couches, and curtains that were heavy with dust and years of no maintenance.

“Where are we?”

Edmond lit a fire in the fireplace - how, she had no idea, but it was there now. With each spark, the flames in the fireplace lapped up and consumed the logs. Each tendril of flame slowly crept up the log, wrapping around it, binding it and coiling onto it to make it become fuel for the ever growing flame. It was mesmerizing, tantalizing, and for some reason, Gudako just wanted to stare at it forever, but upon seeing Edmond get up and drop his cloak over her, her attention turned to the Avenger beside her. 

The light from the flames seemed to enhance his handsome visage even more so. But the permanent scowl on his face is evident as he finally sighed, “What were you thinking?” 

Edmond had to bite back his tone. He saw that slight flinch when he raised his voice. He sighed and shook his head, “Do you have any idea how much concern you’ve caused?”

“I’m sorry, but… the doctor’s coat… his coat… I…” Gudako stumbled and tripped over her own thoughts. Nothing was coming out coherently, and quite honestly, her thoughts were a jumbled mess. As soon as the word ‘doctor’ came forth from her lips, she felt her heart plummet to the floor. It was the only article of his that remained. She had nothing else that was his, nothing at all. Edmond could see how close his Master was to emotionally breaking down. He took a seat beside her and gently placed his hat atop her head, taking her by surprise.

“You don’t have to hold all of this in yourself, you know?”

“I-”

Edmond nodded his head and gently pushed the hat to cover her face, and mumbled, “You can let it all out. I-” He stopped himself, and quickly corrected, “ _ We _ will be here for you.”

_ No matter how long it’ll take.  _

**Day 4**

“Good morning.”

The voice that gently called Gudako awake was not the groggy voice of her beloved. No, it was the gruff, husky voice of her Avenger. Dantes was standing by the window to the strange lobby room they were in. The fireplace was still roaring, albeit a bit more of a timid roar compared to last night’s feeding frenzy. 

“Good morning, Edmond…”

_ Good… morning? _ Gudako quickly blinked away the sleepiness, all while rubbing at her eyes furiously. “Is it really morning?”  _ It’s still dark out… and it’s still really cold.  _ Gudako pulled her blanket tighter around her, only to realize that the soft fabric was not a blanket. It was the coat that Edmond often wore. Yet when she looked over at her Avenger, he was still wearing his coat. She tilted her head in confusion.

“What is it?”

“I thought it was morning… and I… do you have two?”

“Two what?”

“Coats.” 

Gudako pointed at the coat she was wearing and then his and he sighed, “ _ This _ is the first thing you ask?”

“Well?”

“It’s hard to explain.” Edmond sighed, and Gudako almost laughs at how exasperated he is. He can see the way her lips twitch that she’s feeling better - much better - than before. He sits down across from her in an equally dusty lounge chair. The air is a bit heavy, not heavy to the point where it makes the two people in the room feel awkward. It was just… silent

“So.. how is.. Everything?”

“Everything?”

“In Chaldea?”

Gudako nodded and Edmond answered, “They are worried.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not at fault. This is your safe place after all.”

“My… safe place?” Gudako looked at Edmond in confusion and he nodded. He languidly gestured to the room before glancing back over to his Master. She was still clearly confused, there was no other way to put it but that. 

“For some reason, your mind decided to retreat into this fortress. Although this accursed place has nothing to do with you, you still came back to it…” Edmond’s voice trailed off. Judging from the contemplative expression on his visage, Gudako knew it was a hard topic to explain. She hummed to herself slightly and asked, “So… I’m essentially stuck here for now because somewhere deep down I thought this place would be the safest place.”  _ From my own thoughts and the truth… _

Edmond nodded, but held back on releasing the small bit of info he felt that was obvious enough for others to realize, but something that he couldn’t quite tell Gudako. It was something she had to realize for herself - that she wanted to leave here and go back on her own will.

“Well then… if I’m stuck here, do you want to at least explore the grounds with me?”

Edmond’s eyes widened and Gudako sheepishly smiled, “I thought it’d be a great chance to explore… and it’d be nice if you were with me too.” She can see how Edmond doesn’t hesitate getting up from his seat and it makes her smile bloom ever brighter. 

“Thank you, Edmond.”

“Hmph,” he nodded as he trailed after her. It was a familiar routine, one in which Gudako would lead the way - blindly charging forward in a battle - only to be backed up by her trusted Servants. Edmond has always followed after Gudako’s shadow - he was there when no one else was, and was always the first one to save her from immediate danger. As soon as she pushes the door open though - she feels the same violent, turbulent winds. Though this time, the winds feel a bit weaker, a bit… tamer. 

It was dark.

The whole world beyond the fortress walls were dark. There was nothing but darkness, with the occasional flicker of light that seemed to resemble twinkling stars in the night sky. Before she could reach out or attempt to take a step back, Edmond’s hand is on her shoulder, holding her back.

“There’s nothing out there,” Gudako softly murmured to him. Edmond nodded and gently pulled Gudako away from the door before shutting it close. She frowned and asked, “Why?”

“Perhaps you are not capable of existing beyond the fortress.” Edmond knows why though.  _ It’s because she wasn’t ready yet. Her emotions are still a mess. The winds that threatened to shred her apart are only as strong as her own emotions. _

“Then how come you can?”

“Me?”

Edmond is surprised by her question and it shocks him out of his thoughts and he shrugged, “Perhaps it is our bond, Master.”

The softness and tenderness in his voice when he speaks Gudako’s title has her flustered. But instead of visibly showing it, she just smiles. The flush on her cheeks is indication enough that he has flustered her, but he won’t use that as leverage to tease her. After all, the real reason that he’s here… it was for her, it was always just for her.

_ I still don’t believe this place is good for her mental state… _ Despite the smile that was clearly evident on Gudako’s face as she began dusting off the sofa and couch for the sake of cleanliness and her own sanity, perhaps.  _ But if this is her way of coping… then I’ll let her stay as long as she needs to until she’s ready to come back to Chaldea. _

**Day 5**

“-mond? Edmond?”

Edmond startled out of his thoughts as his Master literally poked his cheek in confusion. As soon as the warmth of her finger tip gently prodded at his pale skin, the man almost visibly flinched before glaring at her. Gudako raised her hands up in the air and softly mumbled, “I was just checking on you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been quiet and kind of… brooding.” Gudako lamely finished her explanation, and quite frankly she wished she just kept quiet. After all, Edmond  _ did  _ always look naturally ‘brooding’. He had a straight face nearly all the time, and were it not for the fact that she had spent so much time with him, she knew the differences between each facial expression and tone of voice. 

“It’s nothing.”

_ Snappy. Tense. Edmond’s irritated. Is it because of me? _

** _Maybe it is… After all, you have been doing nothing more than burdening him…_ **

_ No. _ Gudako shook her head slightly and hung her head low.  _ Edmond wouldn’t be here if he didn’t care about me. Our bond is stronger… stronger than any other servant. _

“Are you sure?” Gudako gently pried. Edmond wanted to snap, but instead he sighed. Gudako frowned. It wasn’t the kind of response she was expecting from him. “Did something happen back in Chaldea?”

Edmond’s right eye twitched ever so slightly, and that was enough indication for Gudako to know that something did happen. She opened her mouth, ready to pester him for some sort of answer, and instead was faced with a stiff, conversation ending - “Nothing happened.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Nothing happened.” Edmond bit back his retorts. He knew that if he told his Master that the entire command team was slowly going hysterical because of her lack of responsiveness, she’d blame it all on herself.  _ The last thing I want is for her to take even more onto her own shoulders that she retreats even further into this faux prison.  _ Yet his attempt to help his dear Master backfired as she immediately hung her head low in shame. 

“I… I’m worrying everyone, aren’t I?”

Edmond couldn’t lie to her. She was already vulnerable enough, and though Edmond hated being soft to her, he relented. He slowly nodded, and before Gudako could fall apart he mumbled, “None of this is your fault, Master.”

“But-”

Edmond shook his head. He wasn’t sure how to say it. How do you go about telling someone that nothing is their fault when they’re just trying to protect themselves? Edmond placed his hand on the top of her head, gently ruffling the fluffy strands of hair. Gudako looked up as soon as he stopped, and he was glancing out the window.

_ It’s different here. Here… you can’t see the sky. Much like before. Before humanity was saved. _ He glanced over to Gudako and softly murmured, “We’re worried, but we have faith in you. So take your time.”

Gudako’s eyes widened, and before she could say anything, he continued, “We will wait.”  _ And hope. _

He turned away, expecting to give his Master some space. After all, he could sense it from the way her shoulders slumped downwards and her head hung low that she was close to tears. But Edmond didn’t get very far before he felt her hands wrap around his.

“-go. D...Don’t go,” Gudako sniffled. Edmond felt his heart ache - a feeling he hasn’t felt since he has lost his beloved Mercedes. Yet… yet he couldn’t stop himself from pulling his Master a bit closer, just to give her some sort of reassurance and relief. 

And so that she knew that she wasn’t alone.

** Day 6 **

_ It’s been… six days… right?  _ Gudako was awake. Or at least, she thought she was. But this room wasn’t the strange fireplace lobby room she had been occupying ever since her escape from that cramped prison room. She was located in some strange greenhouse. Everywhere she looked was filled with plants and flora of all variety. Some of them were meant for medicinal purposes, others served as poisons for war, and a select few were just there for aesthetic purposes - or so she believed. 

“Where am I?”

** _Your paradise_ **

“No… this doesn’t look right, it can’t be. I’m… I’m not supposed to be here.” 

** _But you are. Gudako, our sweet sweet Gudako, did you think that you really, truly, want to go back to _ ** **that** ** _ place? No one’s waiting for you… no one really cares about you. You’re nothing more than a burden to them, but here… here you’re free. You don’t have to live up to their expectations._ **

“I…” Gudako hesitated. _Of course I do! Everyone’s waiting for me. Everyone is waiting for me. I have to go back. They’re worried sick for me. If I don’t go back… if I don’t go back they-_

** _No. It’s safer for you here. You aren’t ready for that reality. After all… that’s why you came here, wasn’t it? You sought for a place of refugee, and this is what we are. This is where you are._ **

“N… No, I don’t want to stay here!” Gudako felt like she was shouting into nothing. Her voice was hoarse despite not saying any words, but most importantly… she knew she had to leave. It was too dangerous here. That voice… that voice that continued to gently pick and pull at her open wounds was starting to say stuff that was too tempting… far too tempting.

“I’m leaving. And you can’t stop me. I have… I have people waiting for me _ . _ ” Upon stating her declaration of departure, the flora’s roots all seemed to entangle her.

** _No! We _ ** ** _said_ ** ** _ that you cannot leave. You aren’t allowed to. No one wants you there. _ ** ** _That_ ** ** _ reality isn’t the reality you want. It isn’t -_ **

“-ter! Master!”

** _That accursed man! How dare he! He dares to take you back to that dreadful realm._ **

“Ed… mond?”

“ Wake up, you fool! ”

Gudako shot up from her sleeping position. There’s cold sweat clinging to her skin, and her breathing is ragged - as though she had just gone out for a run. Her entire body is trembling and it isn’t until she feels the warmth of a familiar black coat that she’s finally starting to adapt to her situation.

“Ed… Edmond? What happened?”

Edmond’s features - which were usually cold, emotionless, and detached - were laced with concern. He shook his head softly and mumbled, “You were crying in your sleep.”

“I was…?”

“Yes, and you were begging to be released, are you alright, Master?”

Gudako nodded and softly admitted, “I had a strange dream… I was trapped against my own will, but they kept telling me that I was here because I wanted to be here. That even if I had left and gone back, no one would want anything to do with me, and it just…” Gudako’s voice cracked and she weakly heaved out a sob, “It  _ hurt _ .”

Edmond quickly pulled her into his embrace. For this one moment, this one exception, he would disregard his policy of no physical contact with anyone or anything. Right now, the one person who he had opened his heart up to for the first time since his beloved’s death needed him. As soon as he pulled Gudako into his arms, he felt her arms wrap around him tightly, clinging onto him as tightly as she possibly could. 

Her entire body trembled and shuddered with each sob that escaped her lips. It was heartbreaking, and terribly upsetting, to know that someone who always carried themselves with so much confidence and positivity could break and collapse in on themselves. 

Edmond let Gudako cry until she was calm enough to speak again. Though her voice was slightly muffled due to his coat, it was still audible enough for him to piece it all together.

“Ever since we lost Romani… The world was just so dark. I felt like no matter how hard I tried to carry myself and pick myself up, I felt myself slowly falling apart. I couldn’t hide behind a smile anymore, and I just- I didn’t know who I could talk to. I was scared. I was scared of how I didn’t know what would happen to me after the Singularities were all saved. I was scared that maybe… maybe I would be thrown off to the side.” 

Edmond hears a sharp intake of breath and he gently applies pressure to reassure Gudako that it’s okay. He doesn’t speak. He’s waiting, waiting for her to continue speaking her mind. After all, he hasn’t heard her speak it in so long. For so long, he watched in the shadows as Gudako kept everything bottled within. From the times where she was scared that she wasn’t quite ready to confront the battles before her. 

“I just… I want to go back. I want to see everyone again. I want to be with them. I just… I just really miss Romani, and I’m scared. I… I don’t want to become a burden to the people that have been helping me all this time. I don’t want them to think that I’m not worth their time, I don’t want them to leave me alone. I’m- I’m sorry, I- I know I’m being irrational, but I-”

Gudako choked on her own words as the tears refused to stop. She tried her best to calm herself down, but to no avail. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. As much as she wanted to stop, as much as she willed herself to calm down, she couldn’t stop it. The fear, the worries and insecurities that slowly built up within her came tumbling out nonstop, as though the dam had broken and let them all spill forth.

“I’m sor-”

“Do not apologize. You are not at fault, everyone feels these emotions, and you are not exempt from them,” Edmond paused and muttered, “It  _ is _ what it means to be human after all. What you are feeling is something that helps create and develop the person you are, and believe me, Master, when I say that it is both a relief and upsetting to see you admit these emotions so freely.”

“But I… I’m pathetic. I’m crying over something so stupid. I-”

“Do you truly think these thoughts pathetic? Foolish,” Edmond nearly chuckled at how confused she was, and he added, “Do not let the fear consume you, but let it meld you into a better person. The future is scary, for it is unknown to us what will occur, but worry not. I will be there.”  _ We _ _ will be there. _ Edmond held back his tongue, for he wasn’t too sure whether or not he should actually mention that part, but upon feeling his Master relax in his arms, he didn’t mind being her sole pillar of support. After all, he’s already been here since the beginning, he’ll be there until she’s ready to come back home.

**Day 7**

The last time Gudako was conscious, she was warm, safe, and protected. Though the darkness once scared her, the darkness she embraced the night before reminded her so much of the night sky over a clear field. The stars may have twinkled ever so slightly, but their light didn’t take away from the darkness in the sky. If anything… it made it feel warm, and welcoming - just like last night.

_ I wonder if Edmond carried me onto the couch…  _ Gudako slowly opened her eyes, blinking away the fog of sleep. Her eyes narrowed slightly in confusion.  _ The couch was  _ _ not _ _ this soft last time I remembered. And… is this an actual blanket?  _ Gudako pressed her face against the soft downy blanket and nearly sighed in happiness. It really was a blanket. 

The room smelled like the infirmary - clean, laundry scented. But it also smells slightly of fruits and sugar, though that was more likely due to the company that was curled up by her side. Fou was sleeping contently by her side, his little nose was pressed up against her stomach, and his paws were tucked underneath his chin. Gudako couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him and gently stroked his cheek with a careful finger. 

She sat up straight, stretching slightly, and it isn’t until she sees the clock that she realized it wasn’t really an opportune moment to be awake.  _ 3:07 AM. Yikes, no one’s awake at this time really.  _ Gudako slowly rotated her neck around, and in the process spotted Mash asleep on the infirmary couch. Her heart warms at the sight of her kouhai, and quite frankly, she feels like she probably worried Mash the most. 

_ I’ll make it up to her later on.  _ Gudako sighed, and was slightly startled by someone clearing their throat. She was expecting Da Vinci, but the person greeting her was someone she was more than happy to see. Edmond stood off to the side of the bed, leaning against the wall. In his arms was a familiar pristine white coat and Gudako’s eyes widened, before tears slowly welled up at the corner of her eyes.

“It’s safe.” Her voice came out hoarse, almost consisting mostly of air instead of any actual words. Edmond nodded and approached her, placing it on her lap. Gudako ran her fingers across the fabric before softly whispering, “Thank you, Edmond.”

Edmond nodded again. He was about to ask if she was okay, but upon seeing her tears, he held his words back. Gudako’s shoulders trembled slightly, and as quickly as they came, the tears subsided. Her smile is a little broken, a bit shaky, but there’s a silent determination hidden beneath it.

“Do you think I’ll do okay, Edmond?” 

Edmond raised his eyebrow in question and she continued, “Do you think I can make Romani proud?”

Edmond nearly scoffed, but instead he chuckled, “Yes.”

“Are you laughing at me?” Gudako hissed. Edmond stifles his laughter and the tender smile on his lips stuns Gudako into silence. “There is no need to rush yourself to fill the spot he has left, Master.”

“But-”

“No counters,” Edmond chided her softly. He gently reached forward to push her back into bed and mumbled, “For now, sleep.” 

Gudako pouted, and quickly quipped, “I’ve been sleeping for nearly a whole we-”

But her retort falls on deaf ears as his finger gently presses against her lips. It silences her much more effectively than he would have thought, and Gudako can see the amusement flickering across his handsome features. She sighed in defeat and laid down obediently, making Edmond stand back up and away from her bed. He shook his head slightly and whispered, “You need to get rest mentally as well, Master. And once you’re fully rested…” he paused, hesitating to find the right words. His hand gently drops to his side, and Gudako tentatively reaches out to wrap her pinky around his. He glances down and softly stated, “Once you’re fully rested, then we can figure out where to go from here on out.”

“Promise me,” Gudako sleepily replied. Her eyelids were slowly closing, and her pinky was slowly slipping out of his hand. Edmond hesitantly took her hand into his and bent down to place his lips on the back of her hand. 

_ I promise you. I’ll be here until you no longer have a need for me. _

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing in a while, and honestly I might not have done Edmond justice. :c But thank you Thea! For giving me the opportunity to write something again and for letting me take as much time as needed to make this piece. I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
